The Way to a New Home -- 12 March 2003

I am away from everything and everyone that I know, in a land where I don’t know the language. I take 2 buses (called marshrutkas and really they’re mini-vans) and 2 metros, it is raining and getting dark. As I get off the last marshrutka a group of women and children are waiting for me, and from the group, 2 come forward to collect I. I stammer my prepared greeting (my name is ____, very glad to meet you) and they guide me through the rain and mud puddles to their apartment building. They are a mother and daughter (Helena and Ira, respectively) and are bundled up so much in the cold rain that I can’t really see their faces well in the cloudy afternoon and waning light.

Once inside, I remember to take off my shoes at the door, as is the custom. A beautiful Siamese cat begins mewing underfoot and I get out another phrase, “I love cats.” The mother hurriedly calls the daughter and the daughter brings out a piece of paper, from which she reads, “The cat is very dangerous and vicious.” Ok, will remember to leave the cat alone. I remember my solemn pledge to stay out of Ukrainian hospitals.

Helena and Ira show me to my new room, which I ascertain is Ira’s room, as she still has some books and personal effects in it. The room is spacious and as is customary here, has a pretty Oriental rug hung on the wall and one on the floor. I have a bed, a desk and what they call a “skof,” which is a set of cabinets and shelves that seem to be omnipresent in homes here. Despite all the warnings about how small Ukrainian apartments are, or perhaps because of them, I am pleasantly surprised at the room in the apartment.

Ira begins to speak English and tells me to wash up for dinner. I change clothes to something non-muddy and brush my hair, trying to spruce up for dinner. They set a table in the living/tv room with a pretty white table cloth. I break out my first gift for them, a box of nice chocolates. It is very important to never, ever come to someone’s house w/o at least a box of chocolates. I have homemade soap as another gift, but that is deep w/in a bag, so it will have to wait.

We sit down to a table full of dishes. Pickled tomatoes, cucumbers and red peppers, mashed potatoes, some kind of meat, cabbage rolls stuffed w/ rice and meat (golubets), cookies for later and another box of chocolates. There is also a bottle of champagne, juice and water. Helena opens the champagne and makes a toast to friendship, which Ira translates. I try to make a toast saying that my parents thank them for taking me in, but am unsure how it translates. The dinner is marked w/ some moments of ackward silences, but generally nice and I have to work hard not to stare at the TV, which is on.

Before going to bed, they take me around the house, showing me how the bathroom and toilet work and telling me that it’s ok that the doors don’t fully close, since we’re all women. I’m thrilled beyond belief that there’s hot water! So far no cold showers.

The next day is a half day for me for class, and I feel a little funny waking up and being in their house while they’re at work. I worry that they are worried, worried that I might light the gas stove incorrectly or forget to lock the door or go through their things.

Not to worry, for the cat, Dulcinea, watches my every move, following me around the house, hissing at me if I get too close to her perch. Definitely will never, ever pet this cat. It is psychotic for sure.

The next night, I come home after class and running some errands. Ira and Helena ask me what I did and more importantly, where I ate lunch. I tell them how I had some valrenneky (dumplings) at a café w/ my teacher and cluster mates. They tell me that I should have lunch everyday at their apartment. We were told that we wouldn’t be fed lunch and are given an allowence each week for lunch and bottled water, but I soon find out from my other cluster mates that no one’s family’s are letting them eat out.

I find over the next few days that I must be careful what foods I say I like or careful how I compliment a dish, b/c it may directly affect our menu. I find that Helena grows increasingly determined to feed me 5 helpings each meal and complains via Ira that I don’t eat enough. This causes chortles from me, as it might some of you. I learn how to say “That’s enough, thank you.” Helena feigns incomprehension. I repeat or leave some food on my plate to back up my point. I stop eating lunch b/c it’s really so much food to have three meals. Who am I kidding? If I come home before dinner, I get fed a whole other meal with tea.

I am a stranger that this family has adopted as someone to feed and worry over. If I leave w/o a hat, Helena will get me to carry it. I have gotten sick – I wanted you to know how they are caring for me. I actually have a bad-sounding cough and a sinus infection, so my symptoms are rather loud and dramatic. Ira has been bringing me cough syrup, losanges and when Helena got home tonight, they came w/ nasal spray and the thermometer. I was grateful that they showed me to put it into my armpit before I put it in my mouth!

There’s also a chapter in my Russian language book on health, so I was able to tell them in Russian that I didn’t have a temperature, which was exciting for me. It’s amazing how doing what interests one does for one’s attitude. Instead of feeling homesick and sorry for myself for being a bit ill, I am excited to learn new vocabulary! :-)

Joking aside, I am trying to slow down a bit, which is difficult due to aforementioned enthusiasm. I did phone the Peace Corps medical officer to describe my symptoms, as I’ve never had this particular kind of cough and he recommended rest, fluid and that if I don’t improve in the next 2 days, that I come to Kyiv for them to check me out.

Now some more about Ira and Helena. Perhaps the most humbling fact for me is that they are Chernobyl survivors. I’m pretty sure they lost their father/husband to illness from it. They were living in a village 50 km. from Chernobyl and didn’t move until about 8 years ago. Ira briefly mentioned that they were ill, but then said that was before and now they’re fine. I’m curious, but am waiting to get to know them better before asking too many questions. Ira is 21 and teaches political science and philosophy at a middle school and also is studying at a university in Kyiv. She commutes each day to do either one or both. Helena does some kind of work that I don’t really understand with pensioners, or retired people who are living on now miniscule pensions from Soviet times. As in any economy, they are perhaps the most vulnerable to the vagaries of economy and change to a market economy.

Ira aspires to be upwardly mobile and sees the way to do this via education, something that is very easy to identify with. The Peace Corps training thus far and much of my independent study about Ukraine prepared me to be faced with many challenges in terms of outlook on life and change. So far, perhaps because I haven’t strayed far from Kyiv, I haven’t experienced very much of this. Oh, right, perhaps it’s also b/c I don’t speak enough Russian nor Ukrainian to understand the cultural difference!